STRANDED ALONE

By: Norberto Betita

NELMA PARPAN-QUIBAN

She was born in an atmosphere of some recognized measure of prominence. Her father was an influential political figure in her hometown of Sison, Surigao del Norte. In fact, he once was the mayor of the town. The family was among the most prominent in that small municipality. Her parents were known to be among the landed residents in that farming community. 

However, more than the modest financial affluence and prosperous background which connotes living with particular standard of distinction, SNNHS ‘69er NELMA PARPAN, was given by her parents during her younger age, values that propelled her to succeed, which she appreciated more than the material comfort that the family environment provides. The discipline that was made part of her youthful life developed in her the virtues of diligence, persistence and passion toward achieving her goals. 

Despite her rural elementary educational background, she was qualified to be a part of the elite class at SNNHS. In such a competitive class environment she tried her best to maintain a pew until graduation. 

Attending the 2012 Alumni Homecoming

I have never seen her mother, but I observed that her physical makeup had only a slight reflection of her father. Perhaps, her chinky eyes and white skin tone must have been a genetic of her mother’s possible Chinese ancestry. Although she stands taller than many of our classmates in height, yet she’s a very simple young woman and a silent soft spoken communicator. Her countenance and personal characterization of herself did not even show a well-to-do background, but good sense and uprightness. 

Her prospects of obtaining a higher education was never an impossible avenue. Her parents had the means and she had the needed competitive brilliance. Her ambition to become a Nurse was more than attainable. However, upon graduation, her parents wanted her to be a teacher, hence, she enrolled at San Nicolas College in a course leading to a degree of Bachelor of Science in Elementary Education. After two years in a teaching course, she was able to finally convince her parents to pursue her ambition to become a nurse. Therefore, she immediately enrolled at the South Western University in Cebu City for a course in nursing. With virtues and good moral values inherent in her system, she fought her educational battles with brighter vision to succeed, and she did. She finally graduated in 1975 and with further dedication and devotion to her personal ambition, she eventually passed the board examinations and thus became a Registered Nurse the same year. 

With friends

As part of the government’s requirement for new nursing graduates to serve the country, particularly in the rural areas, she volunteered to serve in her hometown of Sison, Surigao del Norte. After which, she applied for permanent employment at the Surigao Provincial Hospital. But it was cut short after she decided to transfer to the Surigao City Health Office. Shortly thereafter, she got married in 1976 to one of my best friends---Jose Fuertes---who also worked in the same office. They were able to establish a young happy family, slowly building the foundations and nourishing the roots for a stronger relationship and setting up the building blocks of a happy home for them and their yet only 1-year-old son. 

However, a tragic and devastating adversity broke in and interrupted the gleaming sunshine of joy that sparkles in their yet vulnerable household and cast shadows of gloom upon the crown of their tender and affectionate family life. Her husband was diagnosed of cancer. It was a shattering and excruciating experience of pains and sorrow, witnessing the immeasurable anguish and agony suffered by a dearly beloved young marital partner. 

During those days of throbbing and harrowing encounters, her life and that of her only child became as the physical personification of “a wife” and one child standing ashore, “wet with rain and whipped by wind,” gazing “anxiously seaward,” as depicted in the “masterpiece painted in 1831 by Joseph Mallord William Turner, described by Thomas S. Monson as a “painting [which] features heavy-laden black clouds and the fury of a turbulent sea portending danger and death. In the foreground, tossed high by incoming waves of foaming water, is a large lifeboat. The men pull mightily on the oars as the lifeboat plunges into the tempest.” 

However, all efforts to rescue her husband from the tempestuous sea of prolonged anguish and suffering from a debilitating cancer finally ended up in vain in 1978, and she was eventually left stranded alone to rear and care for her beloved son. Her life started to digress and wander into the unwanted pasture of hopelessness and misery. But her virtual sense and consciousness of the paramount composite role she was to perform as mother and provider, left and ember of hope which inspired her to wrestle against the ills brought about by the tragedy, and therefore surrender all the pains and sorrow into the bin of oblivion. 

Mounting back her yoke of faith and courage on her burdened shoulders, she started to move forward with improved perspective. She took to heart the Lord’s invitation, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30). She understood then that “She has to have four arms, four legs, two hearts and double the love. There is nothing single about a single mother.” (Thechampatree.in). For 9 years she served faithfully as a public health nurse in Surigao City, even hosting the DXKS radio program Homemakers Variety with co-host Nene Copag. In her words she said, “I enjoyed my work in Surigao City because the people in every barangay are very good and kind to me.” 

Nevertheless, while it was true that she had loved and enjoyed her work, as she looked forward to the future possibilities of herself being stranded alone to solely support for her son’s welfare, her outlook captured another angle. The salary then of a Registered Nurse in the City was very much inferior to that of the Metropolitan areas. With optimistic vision to join the diaspora of Filipino nurses abroad, she resigned and seek for her fate and fortune in Metro Manila in 1984. While there she started working as a nurse reliever at the Manila Hotel. Then she became a private duty nurse, having registered as a member of the Association of Private Duty Nurse Practitioners of the Philippines, under the United Doctors Medical Center (UDMC) Chapter of the Association. Most patients at UMDC were affluent and prominent and usually hired private duty nurses to care for them. She earned more from this type of nursing work and thus enjoyed her life as mother and provider for her son, forgetting in time the sad and sorrowful experience of losing a husband early in her married life. She thus revel in the fact that, “Being a single parent is twice the work, twice the stress and twice the tears. But also twice the hugs, twice the love, and twice the pride” (Unknown). 

As a very young widow, however, she remained attractive to men her age. With added beauty that her nursing uniform and cap provided, she eventually caught the attention of another man, a former acquaintance in Surigao City---Al Quiban---an employee of the Philippines Airlines, a native from Del Carmen, Surigao del Norte. In 1985, just a year after she stayed in Manila they finally exchanged “I do’s” on the sacred altar of matrimony, giving her the new name Nelma Parpan-Quiban. Her only child from her first marriage was added with three more in her second marriage. For such she finally closed her plans to join the Filipino diaspora abroad. 

She had been the product of the old nursing curriculum wherein upon graduation she was given the Diploma as Graduate Nurse (GN). When the curriculum was upgraded into a Bachelor’s degree, she became second class nursing worker and was generally bypassed during promotions. It was her husband who convinced her to take the one year Nursing Supplemental Course for her to finally earn a Bachelor of Science in Nursing degree from the De Ocampo Memorial College in 1987. Recognizing her good scholastic record, she was offered to work as clinical instructor for nursing students by the same school. 

While still working as a Nursing Instructor she was encouraged by her husband to take a graduate course of Master of Arts in Nursing at the Arellano University, which she successfully completed. She was then promoted as a Nursing Professor with an elevated salary. 

After eight years at the De Ocampo Memorial College, She transferred to the Department of Health, National Office. However, she eventually resigned to take full time motherhood responsibility to care for her ailing children. Knowing her inherent brilliance and devotion to her studies, she was again convincingly encouraged by her husband to take up Bachelor of Laws at the New Era University as a full time student, which she did, the school being just very near their residence. But unfortunately she decided to quit after her third year and went back to teaching, from which employment she eventually retired. 

They now live in their own house at Quezon City, simply enjoying life with contentment. The children are now grown up. Her eldest son in her first marriage is now a Mechanical Engineer. All three of her children in second marriage are now college graduates, two of which were Certified Public Accountants (CPA). The eldest of the four was already married and she and her husband now savors the joy of being grandparents. She declares: “Today I and my husband are still busy at home, doing housekeeping and caring for our unmarried children, although they are all gainfully employed. But the greatest joy we have is when our grandchildren---a grandson and a granddaughter---visit us and we are automatically compelled and obliged to prepare sumptuous meals for them. It’s so much fun and joyful for us to see them delightfully eating our special menu.” 

She now savors the entitlements provided from her retirement, rejoicing that life was not at all that cruel to her even as she had gone through the deepest struggles of life. She trusted the Lord and waited for the necessary tests and trials to eventually dissipate and run out. She might have yet to face the final tests of life attendant to age of grey, but she is profoundly grateful to the Almighty that she had been afforded the eventual freedom from being stranded alone in life’s thoroughfare and finally relish the laurels of a modest but glorious attainment.